I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
