Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
