Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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