i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
