then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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