; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
