I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
