my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize