I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
