i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
