If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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