just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
