new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
