how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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