hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
