why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
