I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
