just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
