so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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