i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
