just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
