he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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