Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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