I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
