So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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