Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize