Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
