Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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