I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
