Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motรถrhead.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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