just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
