I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize