As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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