I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
