how can u be prego again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's the barista slut.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
