I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
