Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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