I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
