Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize