my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
