I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
