Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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