Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
