May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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