last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
