so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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