you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
