Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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