Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
