i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
