We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
