smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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