gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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