I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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