I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
