I am spending my child support on dildos
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
