It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
