I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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