I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
