u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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