drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
