There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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