It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
