areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
