i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize