You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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